A PRACTICAL APPROACH TO YOUR PSYCHO PROBLEMS

Not too may years ago, I made a fool of myself. A man came to my office, severely depressed. I treated and treated, to no avail. He never improved. Then he sold his property, solved his financial problems, and was no longer depressed. So, what was I treating? I was treating financial problems with expensive psychiatric medicines.

Let Mypsypotential help you cover that part of your existence which has nothing to do with medicating. It is not only your money matters. Here are examples of situations that have a practical solution. They could also look so much like the psychiatric diseases called Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and more, that they would misguide patients and professionals alike. The examples are:

• Appropriate feelings that look like symptoms.
  

• Problematic close relationships instead of fulfilling, growing relationships.
  

• Difficulty making friends instead of creating fulfilling social circles.
  

• A frustrating job instead of a fulfilling work situation.
  

• A future orientated accounting system instead of living from paycheque to paycheque

Appropriate feelings that look like symptoms

The student who sits next to you keeps poking you in the ribs with his pencil. You tell him to stop it and the teacher punishes you for talking in class. Should you be angry? Yes. Should the child whose mother dies be sad? Yes. Are you anxious about exams next week? Do you study as if you are compelled by an obsession?

These are clear examples of appropriate feelings. In all three the above examples the appropriate feelings have an important function. They direct appropriate behaviour. The anger makes the student take action by talking to the teacher and the punishment is directed to the real perpetrator. It is not a so-called 'Anger Problem' and needs no 'Anger Management'. The sadness of the child who loses a parent leads to bereavement, or else called grieving. It is not 'Depression'. The result of a suitable degree of anxiety and intense study speaks for itself when the examination results come out. It is not an 'Anxiety Disorder'.

A human is an emotional thing. Your emotions belong to you. They could only be called symptoms if they are severe out of proportion or if they last longer that what the situation justifies. Only symptoms justify medication. Having command over your appropriate feelings is being in touch with reality and is a sign of strength.

Problematic relationships instead of fulfilling, growing relationships.

This is really sad. One couple after the other comes into my office and they tell me their stories. They may have been together for a lifetime.

The stories invariably share one characteristic: The argument goes around and around. There is always a certain issue which comes under discussion repeatedly. The moment this issue comes up, the two are at each other's necks, tempers escalate, voices raise and that issue remains....untouched. So it lies in waiting for the next useless, frustrating interaction of hot-headed hard-headedness. The argument doesn't only go around and around, it escalates into a spiral or aggression. Much worse, the two participants become more sensitized to each other's aggravation each time the issue makes its re-appearance. That is how a bone of contention comes into existence.

Mypsypotential offers 'The Communication Sequence'. The full sequence is two mouse-clicks away from you. It is simple, logical and it works. You have to be consistent in practicing it. Note the unconditional guarantee: 'Failure first thirty times or more.'

Difficulty making friends instead of creating a fulfilling social circle

You may wish to be accepted in the popular crowd. You may have tried, and you may have failed in your own mind. You may have avoided approaching the nerdy bunch, fearing that they will laugh at your poor knowledge of math, physics, or computer science. In both these examples, and in any other example , there is one outstanding feeling: "I am going to be rejected because I can't meet their standards".

Let us get some perspective. Go and look at yourself in the mirror. At worst, you may be physically unattractive. Here is my argument: Suppose you were in a crowd of people you didn't know, and you were thinking about running away, and someone came up to you and started chatting. Would you appreciate it? And if that person showed further that he or she cared, would you reject him or her? And would you expect this person to be the smartest, prettiest, most popular?

Your caring friend may be physically unattractive. That is not what it is about. Your caring friend may have problems with math, or spelling. That is not what it is about either. Whether you or that friend stand up to the popular group's standards, if you care about others, you have created a caring quality within yourself. And there is not a person in this world who doesn't need a caring friend. If you approach someone else because you care, and that person rejects you, it doesn't take away who you are; the caring person.

Caring goes further. You may care how comfortable a person is in your company, and make sure that he or she remains comfortable. But you would also care about the things the other person cares about. So you have to communicate and find out what the other person cares about. If you would empower yourself by reading 'The Communication Sequence', you would put yourself on the fascinating journey of discovering your fellow humans' deeper thinking and feeling. If you follow the simple procedure consistently, you will go through you initial, guaranteed thirty or more failures. Once you have done that, you will have developed the tool to start creating one friend after the other.

A frustrating job instead of a fulfilling work situation

Mypsypotential encourages you to dream. Don't be surprised! It means daydreaming, and that means throwing out a net of fantasy. Fantasy has no borders and shows you who you want to be. Without fantasy all your realities stand in the way of your idealising. The way you feel about your occupation has a lot to do with how much you know of who you are. On its turn, who you are depends mostly on who you want to be. Once again, don't be surprised.

If your work situation enables you to become the person you really want to be, it will be fulfilling. For instance, the person who wants the world to teach the love of Jesus Christ to those that live with hatred in their hearts becomes a pastor. The woman who wants to be a good mom to her children finds a job that will allow her to work and be that good mom at the same time.

Mypsypotential wants to show you the road that leads to that state of self- knowledge

Isn't it remarkable that we haven't discussed your work situation at all? We are not going to, either. It is not about the work situation. It is not about your environment. It is about you.

But suppose you are captured in a catch- twenty- two situation and you cannot get out of a bad job? Suppose you are dreaming of being a concert pianist and you don't have the necessary talent? Here is another surprise: True catch-twenty- two situations are as scarce as they are unlikely. If there truly is a situation you cannot change, you have to grieve it and get done. So, read and understand "Grieve and Get Done" and let Mypsypotential push you one step further.

At the same time, don't lose your ability to dream. Don't let realities take away your ability to fantasize, and to idealize. "Grieve and Get Done" compares grieving to the battle in warfare. In warfare, an army will re-group, work out a new strategy, and attack or defend again. "Grieve and Get Done" also shows you that people don't accept the inevitable. Those that cope with it don't accept. They re-identify themselves, and make the that which is inevitable part of them. They also make the ability to cope with the inevitable part of them. That is how they become the survivors.

The Roman military writer Publius Flavius Vegetius Renatus wrote: " If you want peace, prepare for war." (Si vis pacem, bellum para). That is what "Grieve and Get Done" teaches you.

Getting to know yourself through effective grieving is one thing. If you combine it with the caring quality you create within yourself, you can put the warfare concept aside and you can start thinking about building your castle. The things you master through grieving are the stones and your caring for your fellow human is the mortar. Your sincerity is the quality of the mortar.

Now, you are building a castle. It is going to cost money. Look at the principles laid down under the heading "A Future Orientated Accounting System".

A Future Orientated Accounting System instead of living from paycheque to patycheque

Spend more than your income, and you are heading for trouble. Spend less than your income, and you will be able to save, invest and eventually have enough to be financially independent.

Go to "Psycomsense" and see how to record income and expenses. More importantly, see exactly where your balance is with every expense. "Psycomsense" enables you to plan, like Publius Flavius Regetius Renatus.

It is so obvious: Your income might go up and down. You may receive more the one month or week, and less the other month or week. How do you handle this?

If you can, look at the smallest amount you are likely to receive as income. If you could possibly work out your personal expenses to fit into that amount, any change would be available to save and use for later investment.

If the minimum amount you are likely to receive is too small for your expenses, you already have a red light flickering.

You might go as far as to work out the average of all the amounts you receive as income and calculate your expense according to that. Of course, now you have much less to save and most probably nothing to invest.

That is where "Grieve and Get Done" tells you to get out of denial. In money matters, denial is not a good place to be. Let bargaining come to its horror moment as soon as possible: Your red light is not flickering, it is glaring. You have to look at your source of income on the one side. It is too small. And you have to look at your expenses on the other side. It is too much. You are in trouble!

Now stop denying, stop bargaining and get closure. I am showing you the way now, but you have to walk it. Can you earn more? Then earn more. But be careful, because you may have to pay so much tax on your increased earnings that only your country's tax man benefits, not you.

Most probably you have to shrink your expenses and that means you have to re-vamp your lifestyle.

If you would find yourself in deep, turbulent water and you were drowning, you would grab at straws, if they became available. If you have recognized the glaring red light of having no excess income, your are drowning financially. And the world economy is like a mass of turbulent water. So be thankful that you still have some income and stop squandering it.

Now look at that little income of yours. Money is the most expensive thing in the world and you have to use it with the greatest possible cost efficiently. Look at this:

If you owe money, that which you earn is worth exactly nothing, because it belongs to your creditor already. The fact that you can buy you daily bread with it, is actually due to the grace and patience of you creditor. Of course, interest on money owed is always higher than interest on money invested. For goodness' sake, get rid of your debt. Now we are starting to prioritize and this is your first priority- and mine.

If you earn a dollar and you rent something with it, you get only that something for as long as you rent it. If you earn a dollar and you buy food with it, you get only the food. If you buy clothes, the clothes are yours until they become unfit to wear. If you pay home rent, see above. Should you be paying your home mortgage, you get your slowly growing real estate equity for a life time. This is getting better. If you buy shares and you know how the stock market works, you know that you may do well or you may not. Then you are taking a calculated risks. Good luck to you.

You know all these things, but I am just putting them in an order to help you decide on your priorities. You must have food, clothes and a roof over your head, in this order. Next comes a job, a means of transport, a way to relax, and so on.

"Psycomsense", the financial division of Mypsypotential, takes you further onwards from this point, and shows you how to apply every dollar, pound, euro or yen you earn most effectively. It takes account of your country's taxation ratio and gives you a perpetual view on where you will be at the end of six months if you carry on spending your money at the present rate. It contains no accounting terms beyond the most simple.

But it will help you to turn your psychological potential into financial potential. Then you can say good-bye to the perpetual nag of financial worries that has been bugging you all along. If I had known all this long ago, I wouldn't have spent a full year and thousands of dollars on expensive medicine to treat financial problems.

I am wiser now.

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